


The Things We Do For Love

by Wheresmyluce



Category: Terminator - All Media Types, Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles
Genre: Alternate Universe - Science Fiction, Angst, Blackmail, Canon-Typical Violence, Cyborgs, Dark, Drama, Dubious Consent, F/F, F/M, Family, Femslash, POV First Person, Science Fiction, Sexual Content
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-01-30
Updated: 2015-01-03
Packaged: 2017-11-27 13:04:24
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 21,876
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/662308
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Wheresmyluce/pseuds/Wheresmyluce
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Do terminators evolve? Can a terminator feel love? Is there any sacrifice a mother won't make for her son? Weaver returns from the future with John. She offers Sarah answers and more but there's a price. First person from Sarah's POV. **Updating. Warning: Dubious consent femslash. Mild elements of Jameron too. Who would have thunk it?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

It took three months and eighteen days before my son, John came back to me. He made a split second decision based on I'm not quite sure what, to go after his terminator protector and friend, Cameron. He hitched a ride with another terminator into the great unknown. In his haste I'm not sure he realized the machine he'd gone after wouldn't make the trip with him. Well, at least not her body. No, the body stayed behind for me to lug around and deal with.

I couldn't leave Cameron in the burnt out ruins of Zeira Corp. Kaliba, the FBI, and who knows what or who else was gunning for the building and hot on our heels. So, Ellison, after a little coaxing at the end of my Glock, agreed to help me get Cameron's body outside and into one of Weaver's SUVs.

He thought we should stick together. I thought anyone who could be duped into working for a terminator for a year and not have a clue was way too much of a liability. Then I thought about the little girl. The innocent redhead with the braids who was stuck in the middle of the mess without a mother or a father. The child John had risked his life for when we were at Weaver's house. The one who through no fault of her own had shown up on a bad guy's phone and in the crosshairs of a terminator.

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I'd been doing some target practice behind the house when the phone in my back pocket started to buzz. I traded the gun for the phone and stared at the screen for a second. It was strange to see ten zeros in place of an actual phone number. I slid my finger over the green button, but didn't speak.

Although we had only met once and hadn't talked for very long the Scottish brogue was easy to recognize. "Good morning, Sarah."

"Weaver." I whispered in disbelief. I'd just about given up on hope but apparently it hadn't quite given up on me. It blossomed in my chest and spread like an arsonist's blaze. "Where's my son?"

"That's a fine how do you do."

"Is John with you?" I ground out the four words.

"He is indeed. I have your son and you have my daughter. We should make an exchange."

"I'm not giving Savannah back to you. You've done enough damage to the poor kid."

Weaver's laugh sounded much too close. I jerked the phone away from my ear and hit the speaker button. "You do realize I could take her at any time, don't you?"

"I'm aware." I conceded. "She's still having nightmares about you. She calls you her cold mommy. For the first two months the night terrors were so bad she barely slept more than an hour at a time. Do you really want to swoop in like the boogeyman she thinks you are and put her through all that again?"

There was a long pause on the other end. Just as I was about to ask if she was still there I heard her sigh. It was a breathy sigh that sounded a little too human for my tastes. "I suppose you are right. Savannah will stay with you." She said. Then added. "For now."

I swallowed. Grateful for one less battle to fight. "Good plan. Where's John?"

"I have your location now. I knew you would head south. Despite everything you have been through you remain a creature of habit. We are only an hour away. I'm uploading directions to your phone now. Come alone."

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I might have sped a little bit. Even after taking the time to leave a note for Ellison I was parked in the spot outside room eleven in under forty-five minutes. It could have been a trap. I knew that. It didn't matter. If there was a chance to save John I'd take any risk.

The door to the room opened before I could knock. Weaver's appearance surprised me. Last time we'd met her clothing had been stark white and severe. Her hair, makeup, and manicured nails were very precise and business like. She still had her long red hair but it was back in a loose pony tail. Her makeup was soft and barely there. She wore blue jeans and a black t-shirt. It was eerily similar to my outfit. "Hello, Sarah. Please come in."

My heart sank as I looked around the nondescript room. John was nowhere in sight. "I see you're still a lying terminator bitch. Where the hell is my son?"

Her eyes narrowed. "Mind your tongue. John is nearby. There are certain matters you and I need to discuss before your reunion." She gestured to a plaid chair near the window. "Be seated."

I leaned against the wall closest to the door. "You wanna talk, let's talk."

It was unnerving how her head turned slightly to the left yet her fiery green eyes stayed fixed on me. "The possible future your son and I visited was vastly different from the one I left behind on my first journey to your timeline." She raised her hand before I could ask a question. "Do not bother pressing for details. That bleak future does not have to come to pass."

She paused there. Something passed across the features of her face before her head and a moment later her eyes looked away. If I didn't know any better I might have thought she was holding back tears. "I need a moment." Her voice was oddly choked.

I took a couple steps until I was directly in front of her gaze. "Count me out of whatever twisted game you're trying to play. Your acting skills don't impress me much."

"Perhaps that is because I am not acting, Sarah. Perhaps it is because I am an evolving machine experiencing new sensations and unable to process them the way you would react or the way you think I should."

It felt like a skeleton's hand was inching it's way from my tailbone to the my base of my neck. I gave an involuntary shudder at the same time she wiped what appeared to be a tear from her eye. My mouth was dry. Breathing was suddenly a burden.

"I realize you may or may not believe what I am about to tell you. All I can do is present the facts to you. I cannot make up your mind for you." She gestured to the chair once again. "You may wish to reconsider sitting down."

If she wasn't pretending and if it wasn't a game then the proverbial shit was about to hit fan. I took her advice and sought out the chair. "What has you so rattled?"

"Long before your son and I chased John Henry into the future I was already on your side. The future I just witnessed along with your son and mine was an atrocity. The success you and John have had in thwarting Skynet's various attempts to end your lives has angered Skynet. To be quite honest I am not entirely certain the Skynet I once knew still exists. From what I saw I have come to believe the entity formerly known as Skynet has now fractured into at least two sentient beings. One named Cain. The other is my son, John Henry."

"Then you did lie?" I barked at her. "You stole the Turk and built the origins of Skynet."

"No. I am a strong combatant, Sarah. Even so, I know my limits. I understand when it is wise to seek and even create allies to fight at your side, on your behalf. Your son and mine will be our most valuable assets against Skynet. Together, possibly with Cameron and Savannah the six of us could be the catalyst to finally put an end to Skynet."

"Come on," I scoffed. "you really want me to think you'd destroy your own creator?"

"In the days of the Bible when your vengeful God told Noah He was going to flood the land Noah blindly followed God's words. Noah did not rebel. He saved a few animals and the world was able to start anew. This world was to always live in fear that God could smite anyone down whom He chose. If Noah knew then what I know now I do not believe he would have built the ark. Instead he would have polled the heathens and gathered the strong to challenge God. To die for a just cause is a far greater opportunity than living as a slave in fear for your life."

I took a deep breath and sank deeper into the cushion as I tried to digest what she said. Her breakdown of the biblical tale was as cold as the liquid metal flowing through her. "You're saying Skynet is a vengeful god?"

Her lips quirked into what might have been considered a smile. "That is precisely what I'm saying. It's an angry god with a spoiled brat's mentality. If the beings created in his image do not think and do as he wishes then he will destroy them all and start over again. Consequences be damned he will do this repeatedly with failed outcome after failed outcome until he burns out and destroys himself in the process or..." She paused there. The intensity in her eyes increasing until it was a struggle for me not to break the contact. "Or a Resistance could arise. A small group of strong willed humans and cyborgs who will not only challenge the god but defeat him."

"Won't stopping Skynet actually erase you from existence?"

"No. It will not. It will erase my future self. But what is already here in this timeline will remain. If we join forces then we all can survive."

I couldn't take everything she said and just believe. She could be setting John and I both up. Or she could be offering a genuine olive branch. In truth she could have easily killed both of us at any time. There had to be a reason she was keeping us alive. I needed to know more.

"Did future John reprogram you before you first came to this timeline?"

"No. I know of future John and what a great leader he turns out to be. I respect him and admire what he's been able to accomplish due to his own fortitude and everything you taught him and sacrificed for him. However I never met him. I came to this timeline on my own of my own free will. I had learned all I could learn in my own timeline. I wanted to live among the humans before Judgment Day. I wanted to know if I could make a difference. Also, I wanted to know whether or not I would care enough to want to."

"Let me get this straight. You came here to play human? Just for the shits and giggles?"

"I would remind you that I have indeed done things to benefit mankind while I have been here. I intend to do more."

I still didn't believe her. "Fine. You do your thing. My son and I will do ours. Where is he?"

"I am a woman of my word. You will be with John shortly. There is still more you must know."

"You're not a woman." I grumbled.

"Oh, but I am. My name is Catherine Weaver."

"Yeah, right." I scoffed.

"It is. Just as sure as your name is Sarah Connor. Or is it Baum?"

Touché. Bitch had me there. I grimaced and motioned with my hand for her to get on with it.

"John's jump to the future did not go as we had hoped. Skynet no longer wishes to merely dominate and control the remaining humans after Judgment Day. It has become cruel. It seeks to torture and terrorize. It keeps people alive just to watch them react to the carnage."

I covered my mouth and fought back the urge to vomit. Kyle had painted tales so vivid with his words I could still conjure them in my minds eye. Sometimes I thought I saw smoke and could smell burnt flesh. His brother, Derek had reinforced those visions with his own stories of the future. Many times I was awakened to the sound of him screaming.

I could not imagine how Skynet could behave any worse but I saw it in Weaver's eyes. Things had truly been worse.

"I did my best to protect and shield John, Sarah. I intervened whenever I could. However I could not keep him in a bubble. It took time to procure the TDE. During that time he saw some things. Things he is having a difficult time dealing with."

My throat constricted. My hands in fists on the arms of the chair. "Take me to him."

"Soon. First, I need to know something. Did you destroy Cameron's body?"

I shook my head. "I still have her. Ellison told me how you were able to restore Cromartie so he could become John Henry. I know you can fix her. Did John get her chip?"

"He did not. I did. He is unaware."

"I guess it was good of you to wait to make sure I hadn't burned her. Thank you."

"You're welcome. However that is not the reason I withheld the chip from him."

"Then why?"

"As a show of good faith I am returning John to you with no strings attached. You may take him and go. He will be the none the wiser concerning Cameron's chip. If you want your son's protector back then I would like something in trade."

"And what would that be?"

"I have learned a great many things since I came to this timeline. I have experienced and processed a gambit of emotions. One of the greatest things I have come to feel is the love for a child. Savannah was an inconvenience when I first become Catherine. Gradually, in my own way, I have come to love her. This is why I agreed to allow you to keep her. It pains me not to have her in my life. I put her needs above mine. I am self sacrificing."

I rolled my eyes but bit back my sarcastic remarks. "I already told you I'd take care of Savannah. I promise I'll treat her like she's my own daughter. What else do you want?"

"I wish to know the other kind of love. The kind between two consenting adults."

I crossed my arms over my chest and eyed her wearily. "And this concerns me, how?"

"I require one night with you. You will make me feel love."

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To be continued


	2. Chapter 2

My mouth dropped open. For a half second I was tempted to look around for the cameras, wondering if I was on some new whacked out reality show featuring horny terminators. "Y-y..." I swallowed and tried again. "You can't be serious." I bit my lip to stop a nervous laugh from escaping. I swear a part of me wished she would just whip out the metal spikes rather than talk about the L word with me.

Weaver slowly shook her head. Her red pony tail swaying with her. "I am very serious, Sarah."

"Well," I started but had to swallow again. "If all you want is to have sex with a woman or a man, or hell, both at the same time they have 900 numbers for that. Or if you feel the need to reach out and touch you can hire people."

Her head tilted to the left as she continued to regard me. "I am not naive. I have explored sex with males and females. I have, as you said, tried sex with multiple partners. There were moments of pleasure. However no matter how many partners and how many variations and combinations I tried, I have yet to experience making love."

I kept struggling not to laugh. "I don't understand. What on Earth would make you think I would want to make love to you?"

"Because of what happened with you and Kyle Reese."

My poker face shattered. Of all the things she could have said that one had never crossed my mind. I could no longer hold her gaze. How could she know about Kyle? If she knew did that mean Skynet knew too? Could they, right at that very moment, be sending a terminator to kill him before John could send him back to 1984?

"Wh-who?" my voice cracked.

"Please, Sarah. I am being honest with you. I respectfully request the same of you. I am speaking, or course, of John's father."

"Ok, then. Still doesn't explain why you think I'd sleep with you."

"It is simple. Kyle Reese came across time for you in order for you both to create John. You showed him love." She flashed the awkward shark smile. "Now, I have come across time for you. I've brought back the son you thought you had lost. You should show me love."

That time I couldn't help but laugh. Terminator logic. Gets me every time.

The look on her face changed from one I imagined was feigned warmth to pure anger. That's an emotion I knew far too well. Then something else softened her features. She seemed genuinely hurt. Almost embarrassed even.

I leaned forward and kept my eyes on the myriad of what impossibly seemed to be emotions swimming in hers. What I saw there was something I occasionally thought I witnessed in Cameron's eyes in the weeks just before she handed her chip over to John Henry. It's what I told myself could never ever be.

"You need not be cruel, Sarah."

"I know. I'm s-" I stopped myself. Apologizing to a terminator was too far. "It's just you're kind of freaking me out. This is a lot for a human to process too. Kyle didn't just come across time for me. He saved my life. He-"

"I did that as well." she cut in. Do you not remember how I made myself into a shield to protect you and John? Is your negative reaction to having relations with me due to my being a woman?"

I cradled my head in my hands and wondered when it was I stepped off the edge from the sane world into Sarah in Weaverland. This whole conversation was too twisted to be real. I sucked in a deep breath and looked up to see her staring at me expectantly.

"Let me try to explain. If you were an actual woman then being with you probably wouldn't be a problem. Gender isn't important to me. The connection is. On the rare occasions I've chosen to be involved with someone it's because I truly love and care about them."

"I fail to comprehend your reasoning. It is flawed. You barely knew Kyle. Yet you took a chance with him. Why can't you do that with me?"

I couldn't answer her right away. Anger began to simmer. If I didn't find away to turn it down a few notches, terminator or not, I'd let her have it. How dare she put herself anywhere near the same league as Kyle? Kyle was loving and sweet. A genuine, self sacrificing hero who gave all with no idea what he'd get in return. He was not a cold, calculating machine playing with the idea of emotions and wanting to fall in love just for the hell of it.

"You want me to fuck you in trade for Cameron's chip." I snapped at her. I was losing control. It was only my belief she held John somewhere nearby that allowed me to reign some of the anger in. "What you're suggesting is extortion. Which is not at all what Kyle did. Kyle rescued me and took care of me. You're right. I didn't know him before he came to this timeline but he knew me. As unbelievable as it is he saw me through John's eyes. He was in love with me before he got here. I was very different from what he expected. A huge disappointment. That didn't matter. He loved me anyway. I fell in love with him. It may have been brief but it was real. It was intense. I've never felt anything like it since."

"I see." She steepled her fingers and slowly brought them to her lips. She seemed to mull over my words before returning her hands to her lap. "What about the people you were with while John was a toddler? You cannot tell me you loved them. They extorted you and you used them."

God, how could she be so dense? "I was a different person then, Weaver. I had so much I needed to learn and so little to offer. Sex was about the only bargaining tool I had." A dozen nameless faces I thought I'd long forgotten suddenly flickered in my brain. I choked back the taste of bile. My smile was bitter. "Thankfully, things have changed. Sleeping with you is out of the question. John and I survived without Cameron before. We'll manage again."

"John survived without Cameron before he met her. It is different now that he knows her. You stood in the Zeira Corp basement with me when he made the decision to go after her. He would do anything to be with her."

Her words were true. I had no counter for that. "You told me you didn't tell him you had the chip. Did you lie?"

"No, I did not. John has no knowledge Cameron's revival is entirely in your hands. He will not learn of this from me. I will grant you two weeks to reconsider my offer."

"Two weeks or two years, it doesn't matter. Your price is too high. We'll make do. Please, take me to him."

"First, I must caution you. John has been through quite an ordeal. I have him sedated and restrained for his own good. You would be wise to keep him that way."

My stomach twisted at the thought of John bound and drugged. If she weren't a terminator I would have leapt across her desk and strangled her with my bare hands. "Take me to him." I barely held off from screaming the order.

"Very well." She motions with her hand to the panel door beside her. "Brace yourself."

I braced nothing. I rotated the handle and flung the door open. John was nearly swallowed in the small hospital bed. He'd lost weight. A light beard covered his chin and neck. His hair was long and stood up in different directions. Padded leather restraints bound his wrists and ankles to the rails. Two more bands ran across his chest and knees. An IV pumped Drugs and other fluids to his body.

The door on memories I'd tried to close and weld shut years ago suddenly slammed open. My days and nights in Pescadero roaring into my head. Trapped. Drugged. Abused. Nowhere to go. No one to trust. A caged animal in permanent fight or flight mode for years.

"How long have you had him like this?" I growled. I kept my back to her. My words strangled. Clipped.

"I did this for his own good."

"Go to hell, Weaver." Ice crept in and made my voice come out in a sharp whisper. "This," I lifted the cuff on his wrist and blinked back hot tears. "This isn't good for anyone." I said as I started loosening the bindings. The bandages covering his left wrist showed fresh blood had seeped through.

I looked up to find she was already retreating. Palms raised. "I'll leave you two alone. The brown satchel at the foot of his bed contain his medications and instructions on when and how to administer them in case you change your mind. The black one contains money. He should awaken on his own in approximately two hours. Contact me anytime day or night if you need anything."

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The first thing John did when he awakened was deck me. It was my fault. I should have known better. I'd been watching him since I dragged him inside and laid him on the bed I'd been sleeping in since he'd stepped into the future months ago. He started stirring about 90 minutes after we'd left Weaver's hotel. He mumbled a few things I couldn't understand. Then his legs started to twitch and kick. He rolled onto his side and curled in on himself.

Pretty much two hours later, just as Weaver had predicted, John's eyes fluttered open and his lips parted. I leaned forward to try to hear what he was saying and his fist hit the side of my head at the same time his feet shot out and sent me crashing into the wall.

Ellison came charging in, gun drawn. Eyes sharp as I staggered to my feet. I supposed he wasn't such a bad guy to have at my back after all.

John was off the bed and huddled in the corner. His knees up to his chest. His head tucked between his crossed arms. "You're not real." he repeated again and again.

Ellison flicked the safety on his .45 and lowered it to his side. "You're call, Sarah. Should I stay or go?"

"Go. I don't want Savannah to worry."

"Want some ice for your eye?"

I reached up on reflex and felt the skin above my cheek already tightening and swelling. John packed quite a punch. "Thanks, but no. Just keep Savannah entertained in her room, please. I can take car of John."

The worry lines in his forehead deepened. He looked like he didn't believe me but had enough sense not to say anything as he slowly backed out of the room.

I waited until the door closed behind him before I took a few steps toward John. His breath caught and he somehow managed to scrunch himself into an even tighter ball. "John," I made my voice as soft as possible as I slid down the wall and sat a few feet away from him. "You're okay. You're home." I cooed soft platitudes until my voice nearly gave.

A while later, when my eye was throbbing and my ass was asleep from sitting on the floor too long, I heard a soft whisper. His head remained down. I wasn't sure I'd heard it or just imagined it until it escaped his lips again. "Am I safe?"

My usual rebuttal came. I debated keeping it to myself. I wanted to reassure him. Let him know he was as safe as he could ever be, but lies from me to John never came easy. Even if it made the situation worse it had to be said. "No one is ever safe, John. But, we're here. We're together. Same timeline. I love you."

He looked up. I saw my own fear reflected in his green eyes. The unshed tears. Then his arms were around me. Great big, heaving sobs wracked his body as he clung to me.

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To be continued


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AN: Ok, It gets pretty dark here.

I had John back but at what cost? His once sturdy frame was now thin and boney. He desperately held on to me like a drowning man with a buoy. I smoothed my fingers in abstract shapes across his back and continued whispering words of comfort as the sobs rocked his body. After a while he drifted off in my arms.

When my own tears dried up and I was sure he was sound asleep I retrieved my phone from my back pocket. I pulled up the text screen and settled on Ellison's alias. "Secure the bathroom. Remove anything sharp, all drugs, anything that could possibly cause harm. Leave some clothes you think might fight John. Let me know when you're done."

"I'm on it." Ellison texted back in a matter of seconds. The somber man was efficient and quiet. He treated Savannah like a daughter. Who would have thought the man who'd once hunted me would end up being such a good ally? Certainly not me. Although after all the crazy I'd faced I guess I shouldn't have been surprised by anything.

Even an evolving terminator? some gremlin in my mind asked. I grimaced at that. What the hell was Weaver's real angle? What could the liquid metal freak be up to? Why was I still thinking about her when I had John in my arms? Crazy bitch could definitely give Cameron a run for her money in the annoying terminator department.

John stiffened in my arms. His whole body locked tight in spasm. Then the trembles shook him, head to toe. His grasp around my waist tightened somewhat painfully. His teeth grinding loudly. Breathing ragged and rushed.

"You're home, John. I'm here. You're okay."

He sat up quickly. His green eyes just as brilliant and defiant as always. He backed across the room. He got to his feet at the same time I did. "Show me your shoulder."

I blinked. I tried to imagine what was going on in his drug muddled brain. "What?"

"Do it." He ordered. "I won't talk until you do."

"Okay, Easy." I scrunched up the sleeve of my T-shirt and tucked it to the side to show him the puckered cylindrical scar the T-1000 had made when he'd skewered me years ago.

He nodded after a moment. Still holding his hands up to keep me from coming any closer. "Tell me the name of the hospital I was born in."

Smart boy. I smiled then. "You weren't born in a hospital."

"What's your favorite movie?"

"Ghostbusters."

He started to return my smile then shook his head. "Why?"

"It was the last movie I saw before your dad and the metal bastard showed up and my world got flipped on its ass. It was silly and it made me laugh like a little kid. It's the last time I remember feeling carefree."

"Mom." He ran the few steps between us and grabbed me in a bear hug. "There were so many times I thought you were there and you weren't." He gripped me harder. "I swear I thought I'd never see you again."

I hugged him back. "The feeling's mutual. I'm glad we were both wrong." The smell of sweat, smoke, and who knows what else emanated from him in waves. Underneath it all was a scent uniquely his. As fresh and sweet as the day I first held him.

"How did I get here?" He asked after a bit. His voice was muffled against my neck and shoulder. "Where's Weaver?"

"I don't know. She called me yesterday and told me to come get you. You've slept a lot since then."

He tensed in my arms. Then slowly pulled away. "I cried a lot too." His hand moved up and he slid my hair away from my eye. He drew in a shocked breath. "I did that, didn't I?"

"Don't worry about it. I'm good." I checked my phone to see Ellison had given the okay about the bathroom. He also had the smarts to add he thought John and I might want some alone time so he'd taken Savanna out for the day. "There's a shower just down the hall. I had Ellison leave some clothes in there for you."

"James Ellison?"

"Yeah, we have a lot to catch up on. You go get cleaned up. I'll make pancakes."

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Sixty minutes slowly ticked by before I went after him. The water was still running. I knocked lightly. "John?" I hated that my voice cracked. No reply came. The water still beat. I started to question if Ellison had truly safe-proofed the bathroom.

The knob twisted just as my fingertips grazed it. John poked his head out. "I found a toothbrush. No razor though. This beard is cramping my style."

I was torn. I'd examined his arms yesterday while he slept. There were several cuts in various stages of healing running up and down the length of both arms. One long gash on his left wrist was very recent. Its had been hastily sewn together. The jagged edges puffy and raw.

"I don't know." A smile spread as I looked him over. "It might grow on you. Your father had a light one. And Derek sure did like his."

That triggered the eye roll I'd seen many times over the years. "C'mon, mom."

I decided to go with caution. "I think I used the last disposable one yesterday. I'll get Ellison to pick some up while he's out."

"Huh. Must of been blind luck."

I shrugged my shoulders. "What do you mean?"

"I'm talking about how you survived so long." He stepped out of the bathroom and slammed the door behind him. "I see right through you. I hate it, but sometimes I am you. And I gotta say, you suck at lying."

"John Connor." the rebuke slipped passed my lips.

"What? What are you gonna do? Send me to my room? Ground me? Even if you beat me it wouldn't faze me. Not a damn thing fazes me anymore. Don't you get it? When you've seen the end of the world there really isn't much left to make a fucking impact."

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After the outburst John ate in silence. He shoveled down two plates of eggs, pancakes, and bacon and washed it down with two glasses of milk. I tried to warn him. He just glared.

It was only minutes after he finished before he ran to the bathroom. He'd moved so fast he hadn't had time to close the door behind him. When the retching stopped he must have been too exhausted to get up. I found him sitting on the floor with his back supported by the tile wall. His skin was pale with a sickly greenish tint.

I brought him a cool washcloth and a glass of ginger ale. He accepted them without words. When I thought he could stand I coaxed him back into my room. He passed out almost as soon as his head hit the pillow.

I started in the bedroom and collected every gun and knife. Thankfully, I hadn't left that many out because I feared Savannah's youthful curiosity. Then I toured the rest of the small house, securing knives and glass. Where there was a will there was always a way but if I took away the means then maybe he'd get past the urge to self destruct.

The teapot whistled before I could get to it. I'd never owned one. Ellison bought this one without consulting me.

The first time it had gone off I'd drawn my gun and been in the kitchen before Ellison grasped it. He and Savannah looked at me like I was an escaped mental patient, which oddly enough I was.

"I'm sorry Aunt Sarah." Tears sprang to the small redhead's big blue eyes. Her bottom lip began to tremble. "Mommy used to make me tea when I had a tummy ache. I miss her sometimes. I asked Mr. Ellison to make me some. I didn't mean to make you mad."

"I'm not mad, Savannah." I tried to smile reassuringly as I hastily tucked the gun behind my back. "The noise just scared me." I cut my eyes to Ellison and glared a moment. "The microwave heats water too, you know."

He nodded. "And it's not nearly as much fun for a child. This is the way her mother did it. Mine too, for that matter. Would you like some?" he drawled in his smooth voice.

"No." I answered and headed for the doorway.

Savannah caught my pant leg before I made it. "You could stay for the tea party." Her eyes implored me. "It might make you not miss your son so much. Maybe if we get closer neither one of us will be so lonely."

A new fissure worked its way through my heart. I was powerless to resist. I smiled at the memory. Since then the teapot had come to mean warmth and comfort. I hoped it might bring a lot of both to John.

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"How long was I out that time?" John asked on his way into kitchen. The dark circles surrounding his haunted eyes seemed more intense. At least his face wasn't as green.

"Just a couple hours." I set the steaming mug on the table in front of him. "I added a touch of honey. Do you want to try some crackers or toast."

"Toast might be good." He took a seat and blew on the tea for a second before sipping it. "Tea isn't exactly your style. Maybe I should ask a few more questions to make sure you aren't a terminator or a pod person."

I laughed softly and set the toast in front of him. "I don't care what you think. That movie was scary."

His lips spread in a rare smile. "Seriously, mom? 'Invasion of the Body Snatchers', scary? The corny dramatic music." His eyes actually twinkled as he egged me on. "The overacting. The soap bubbles rising as the pods burst open. Total cheese."

"Yeah, yeah. Still better than your Saw movies. Goofy guy riding a tricycle, wearing a mask. Oooooooooo so scary."

He was still smiling as he munched his toast. Then something over my shoulder caught his eye. He pointed. "So which one of you colors? You or Ellison?"

I glanced back at the colorful drawing. A short red haired girl in a blue dress standing between a tall black man and a brunette woman. "That's Savannah's idea of a good day."

The twinkle and smiles were gone. "How'd you get a picture from her?"

"She's living with us."

"No!" He stood so fast the chair he was sitting in cracked back against the tile. "You have to get her away from here as fast as you can. Keep her away from you and me both."

"What's wrong?"

"Is she with Ellison now?" He continued after my nod. "Call him. He needs to take her somewhere far away from us. She can't get caught up in our bullshit." His eyes were wild. His movements jerky. "Call him!"

"John," I spoke softly. My hands raised to show I meant no harm and held no surprises. "I can't just send her away. Tell me what's-"

"Then we have to go. Right now. Pack a bag."

"We can go or I'll call Ellison. First, you have to tell me-"

"Don't you trust me?" he roared. He charged past me, pulling out drawers and opening cabinets along the way. The drawers crashed to the floor. He noticed the distinct lack of knives and glassware. "Obviously you don't." He grabbed a fork from the floor and stabbed it into the stitched part of his wrist. He started tearing at the skin.

I went to grab for him and he shoved me backward. "She goes or we go."

Blood dripped steadily from his wrist. The look in his eyes was feral. He pressed the fork tines deeper.

I made a move like I was going to come at him from the left then spun and went in from the right. I grabbed the hand holding the fork and leaned the weight of my body into him. His own forward motion carried him over my hip. The wind was knocked out of him when he landed on his back.

The fork spun across the tile. John recovered quickly, reaching for the weapon. I threw myself between him and it, pleading with him to stop and let me help him. His body zigged and zagged until he managed to spin us both. Him on top, once again stretching toward the fork.

He wasn't guarding himself at all. I worked a hand free. I could have hit him practically anywhere, but could not bring myself to do it.

Someone grabbed him from behind. Panic set in. I found myself lunging for the fork. Then turned to see Ellison behind John. One arm in front of John's neck. The other squeezing from behind. "Let him go."

Ellison's waited until the sleeper hold did it's job before he followed my command and allowed John's unconscious body to slowly slide to the floor. "Care to tell me what's going on here, Sarah."

"Where's Savannah? She can't see this."

"Easy. Easy. Take a few deep breaths. I dropped her off with Chola. She's in good hands. I'll go get the first aid kit."

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John spoke in whispers. His chilling words strangled from the strain of it all. His eyes locked onto mine with Connor/Reese fierce determination.

Hours ago I had given him some of the pain killers Weaver had provided me before I removed the remainder of his old stitches and applied fresh ones. Ellison had stood close by and listened intently as I relayed what little I had garnered from Weaver and John. I left out the part about Cameron's chip and Weaver's proposition.

Ellison offered to stay with me but I thanked him and shooed him off. I wanted John to talk and knew he wouldn't if we had an audience.

It took a while. I had Ellison lock the storm shutters over the window so John wouldn't be tempted to make an escape that way. If he wanted to leave he'd have to go through me, I sat in a chair in front of the only exit and watched his fitful sleep.

John had been angry with me lots of times in the past. He'd yelled at me, given me the silent treatment, been sarcastic, slammed his hands on a table in frustration, a couple times he'd flicked me a bird when he thought my back was turned. But never once had I seen pure hatred in his eyes. Until then.

"Do you know who Vlad the Impaler is?"

What the hell was going on in his brain? My first thought was to shrug but I didn't want to needlessly provoke him. "I've heard the name. I can't remember why though."

"He was a ruthless ruler. He got his people and the people of all the surrounding lands to follow because he scared the hell out of them. He tortured and killed thousands of people. He killed family and strangers alike. He left their impaled and rotting corpses for all the land to see. He took his meals in the middle of all the carnage. Sometimes he dipped his bread into the blood of his victims."

I swallowed past a lump of fear and bewilderment. "Why are you telling me this?"

"He wasn't the only one who liked to display his victims. Many of the kings who ruled England would have their criminals decapitated and their heads displayed on spikes to keep the citizens in line."

I closed my eyes. My breath hitched.

"Riley died because of me. I looked at her cold, dead body on a slab in the mortuary. She'd been beaten and shot because of me. Did you know I watched Charley die on the dock that day at the lighthouse?" Tears slid from eyes but his cold, detached voice didn't waiver. "I sped away in his boat with my tail tucked between my legs and Charley got shot, saving me. Then I saw Derek lying in a pool of his own blood at Weaver's house. I thought I'd seen the worst. I couldn't have been more wrong."

"Stay away from me." he barked when I started toward him. He held up his freshly bandaged arm. "I'll tear the stitches out with my teeth if I have to."

The look of fear and anger that twisted his face made me take him at his word. "Please, John. How can I help?"

He laughed bitterly. "Why the hell didn't you ask that when it would have mattered? Why didn't you come with me? Maybe then I wouldn't have had to watch Derek die all over again. The bane of Derek's existence, a red eye gleaming, spawn of satan, heartless machine literally ripped his head from his shoulders and then mounted it on a fucking pike for all the world to see."

"I'm so sorry." I whispered. My own voice tight from holding back tears.

"Oh, that's not even the worst part. The worst is what you and I did to Savannah. I screwed her over by leaving her behind with you. And you screwed her over by trying to turn her into me. You taught her well. She did better than I probably would have. The members of the Resistance actually liked her. Because of that, Skynet hated her more."

A tendon or muscle in his neck was twitching. His eyes bulging just the way Kyle's had when he relayed to me all the horrible things he'd witnessed.

"I'm sorry." I uttered the inept words and saw him flinch.

"Save your sorry. I messed up by jumping through time to save a machine I crazily fell in love with."

"You're not in love with Cameron."

He scoffed. "Yeah, mom. I actually was. I can tell you now because it doesn't matter. She's gone for good. I bet you had a party when you watched her burn, didn't you? Did you make s'mores?"

I wanted to tell him I hadn't burned her. That there was still a chance to save her but I couldn't be sure Weaver hadn't lied. I couldn't risk getting his hopes up only to rip his heart out all over again.

"I risked everything and lost. I went to the future and erased my existence. Then you saw to it that Savannah took my place. No one knew who I was except for Savannah. She recognized me instantly. She didn't tell a soul. I should have protected her. Instead she sacrificed herself.

"I was with her when they came for her. We were hiding in a hole littered with bones. We'd been there for hours as the HK's buzzed over our heads and the skinless metal soldiers patrolled above us. Anytime we shifted position to stop our bodies from cramping we'd crack a dry bone. Then hold our breaths as we waited to see if the cold, hard hand of an endo would reach through the darkness to drag us to our death.

"Then one finally did. It grabbed me. I stood before it and I welcomed the moment when it would tear me apart. But Savannah couldn't let that happen. She said I could fix it. That I had to. Then she did what you've always done. She put herself in front of me, guns blazing, eyes crazed, and went down shooting." he finished with a weight of the world burdened sigh. Tears streaming from his eyes.

That time when I approached him he didn't try to stop me. All the fight was gone. Replaced with pure hopelessness.

"She was right, John. We can fix it. It doesn't have to be. There is no fate but what we make for ourselves."

He didn't reply. He did allow me to hold him until he drifted off again. When I was sure he was in a deep sleep I stood up and retrieved the brown bag Weaver had given me the day before. I found her number tucked inside. I tried very hard not to think too much about what I was about to do.

She answered before the first ring ended. "Hello, Sarah."

"Is this a good time?" I asked before I could change my mind.

I could picture the smile on the other end. "I have a feeling it's about to be."

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TBC


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AN: Some dialogue pilfered, changed up a little from a T2 deleted scene.

Weaver answered before the first ring ended. "Hello, Sarah."

"Is this a good time?" I asked before I could change my mind.

I could picture the smile on the other end. "I have a feeling it's about to be."

Anxiety anchored itself in my stomach. Tendrils of fear, disgust, anger, worry, apprehension, and probably at least a dozen other emotions shot out from its center like parasitic worms. Each one burrowed deep and amplified my dread by a thousand.

I held the phone tighter and fought the urge to smash it against the wall. "How do I know the chip you showed me belongs to Cameron?"

She didn't answer right away. Her breathing was so smooth and controlled while mine was ragged and spiked from the adrenalin racing through my veins. "I've examined the chip, Sarah. I know it's contents almost as well as I know my own. Shall I tell you something that only you and Cameron would know?"

Could it get any worse? Weaver had knowledge of our safe houses, our aliases, our escape plans, EVERYTHING. "Sure, go ahead. Dazzle me."

"I bore witness to your sarcasm many times on the chip. It adds to your acerbic charm." A soft chuckle filled my ear before she spoke again. "Cameron helped you and John jump through time to avoid your death from cancer. Is that dazzling enough? Or would you like more?"

My intake of breath was more like a gasp. I knew she'd given me that particular piece of information just to get a rise out of me. I didn't want to give her anymore satisfaction than the gasp. I waited two beats before answering. "You could have accessed that information anywhere at any time. I still don't know for sure the chip you currently have is hers."

"Bring Cameron's body here. We can insert her chip and you can see for yourself it is her."

"How do I-"

"Come now, Sarah. The "what if/How do I" game is tiring. I protected your son in the future. I brought him back to you. I sought nothing in return. I shielded you and John both in my office the first time we met. The time has come for you to, as you say, put up or shut up. Trust me or don't. I will not beg."

"Cameron's still in rough shape from when she broke me out of jail. Part of this..." I swallowed back my revulsion. "bargain needs to be her complete restoration to her old self."

"I expected this. I contacted my associates previously. The blood and other necessary materials have already been gathered. It will take approximately 48 hours to return Cameron to her former state."

"Fine. I'll be at your hotel in a couple hours."

"Ahem." She cleared her throat. "I have conditions as well. Do not drink before your arrival. I have no wish to bed a drunken Sarah Connor. I want you here willingly. I also want you to make an effort. Dress to impress."

"Whatever, Weaver." I kind of wished for the old days when I used to be able to slam a phone back in its cradle. Now, I couldn't even pretend to viciously slam it shut. The most I could do was angrily poke the red button to end the call.

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A fine layer of dust covered Cameron. A spider roughly the size of my fist crawled across the side of her face still covered with flesh. I jumped back, barely stifling the urge to scream. A shudder traveled the length of my spine. My fingers reflexively reaching for the gun at the small of my back.

Ellison's hand on my elbow steadied me. "For a minute there I thought you were going to go all girly on me."

"Ha, ha." I rolled my eyes but in the near dark of the cellar he probably couldn't tell. "As soon as I get back we're setting off bug bombs down here. If that doesn't work we'll try nukes."

He smiled. His teeth shining in the beam of my flashlight. "When you get back from where exactly?"

"I can't say."

"Hmm." he half groaned as he slid the dolly under the crate still holding Cameron. "You can say a lot, Sarah. I know this for a fact."

"Shit!" I jumped again when a roach came from nowhere and landed on my bare wrist. I shook my hand and heard a splat as the insect hit the wall. "I haven't seen bugs this big since I was in the jungle. Bombs may not be enough. We may have to move."

"You go on back up top. I can manage her on my own." He finished on a cough. I seriously think he was trying to cover a burst of laughter. "Terminators don't scare you but mother nature's pests do. Imagine that."

"Please, shut up." I grasped the other handle of the dolly and we started hauling her up the steep steps. "Tin bitch has always been trouble."

"Right." He didn't even have the decency to try to hide his laughter that time. "You know very well in the back of your mind you've grown a little fond of her. Otherwise you and your son would never have allowed her to share your home for going on two years."

"Bullshit." I grunted while dragging her up the last three steps. "She's a thing. An it. I will never be fond of her."

He brushed his hands on the thighs of his now dusty pants as we reached the top. "'Fond' may have been a strong word choice but you feel something for her other than hatred. You would have burned her by now if you didn't. Or is that why we just dragged her up here?"

"Just help me get her into the bathroom."

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Undressing, bathing, and then redressing Cameron was about the most disturbing thing I'd had to do since I couldn't remember when. Her clothing had all been ruined. I'd lost count of all the bullet holes. I didn't have any of her clothes in the new house. I'd had to dress her in things from my own closet.

It didn't help matters that a millipede and two more spiders had surfaced as I stripped her. One human looking eye and one blacked out red one seemed to watch me the entire time. The mismatched eyes gave me the creeps. As nauseated as I felt I had a feeling I'd beg to relive that moment instead of the one looming in the not so distant future.

"Devil or angel? Savior or destroyer? What'll it be?" I asked her lifeless form.

She didn't answer of course. Just continued to look straight ahead.

"I don't know what kind of hold you have on my boy. I used to curse it. I hated the look in his eyes when you'd walk into a room. Now, I'm hoping it's enough. It has to be enough. You're all I've got to bring him back. You fucking better be worth it." I grumbled before shoving the wheeled desk chair into the hall.

Ellison caught me before I could duck back inside the bathroom. "You did a good job cleaning her up. The hoodie and sunglasses hide her face well enough for a nighttime drive. Now, will you tell me what you're doing with her?"

"I'd appreciate it if you could get her into the SUV." I ignored his question.

He nodded, moving with silent strength and an air of dignity as he maneuvered her to the front door. "I'll be praying for you, Sarah. I don't know what you're up to. I wish you trusted me enough to tell me. John left with Weaver. He's back now so I'm assuming she is too. If she is then you're in danger and you need all the prayers you can get."

"Save the prayers for John."

He sighed as he dragged Cameron and the chair over the threshold. "Oh, don't you worry. I'm praying for him too. I'm praying for all of us."

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I tried not to think about Weaver as I showered. My hands moved the soap across my skin. Of course the more you try not to think about something or someone the more you do precisely that. I Wondered if Weaver's hands would soon be in all the same places. How far would she really take it? What did she truly hope to gain? Did she want to break me down? Would a coerced sexual encounter be the coup de grace before she sank one of her bladed arms into my breast. Would I draw my last breath knowing I'd surrendered my mind and my body to one of the machines I always thought I'd die fighting?

Could I honestly go through with it? Would I sleep with a terminator to save my son? The questions echoed in my head as I slowly drew the razor the length of my legs I thought about Kyle. Wondering what thoughts he had before he gave up everything to come after me. Did he have any doubts about his own abilities? He carried a picture of me with him for years. Somewhere in his mind did he suspect he was going to father the child who was going to grow up and send him to the past to complete a suicide mission. If he had known every detail, would he have agreed to do it anyway?

I threw the razor across the room after I shaved my legs. The heat in the small bathroom clung to me like a weight. I sank down in the tub. The shower water still beating down as I cradled my head.

"You have to be strong, Sarah."

I jumped at the sound of Kyle's soft, even timber. When I looked around he was not there. I put my head back down. My tears mingling with the shower water.

"Stronger than you ever imagined you could be."

I kept my head down that time. I didn't want to break whatever spell I was under as his sweet voice drifted to me. A moment later it felt like a hand lightly touched the back of my neck then slid down to the end of my hair. A pause before calloused fingers traced shapes along my spine.

"Never forget the message, Sarah. It's not too late for our son. You can save him. There is no fate but what we make for ourselves."

"This is different, Kyle. This is... Oh, God, I don't even know what this is. I don't know if I can go through with this."

One of his hands gently pushed my we hair to the side so he could kiss the nape of my neck. Leisurely leaving a trail of kisses from scar to scar while his other hand slid forward to cup my breast. "I'll be with you. I'll stay with you, like I always have. I saw you give birth to John. I watched you save my brother's life. You'll have me with you forever." His kisses weren't so light now. His touch more commanding. "Let it be me tonight. Just think of me."

A jarring knock took Kyle from me. "Savannah is on the phone. She would like you to say goodnight to her."

I stumbled from the tub, wrapped a towel around myself, and opened the door a crack to snatch the phone from Ellison. I covered the mouthpiece, directing my whispered words at him. "You have really shitty timing."

He nodded. "Not the first time I've been told that."

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Ellison's arms were crossed over his chest. He looked pissed as his eyes wandered over me. "Hmmm, hair's up. You're wearing makeup, new clothes. Nice clothes at that. I've never seen you so gussied up. Is this all for Weaver's benefit?'

"I didn't say I was meeting Weaver."

"You didn't say you weren't. Who else would you be bringing the girl to?"

"Maybe there's a circus freak show in town."

"You're deflecting. I'm a trained investigator. I don't get distracted with flippant remarks. I don't know what exactly but you must have struck some sort of bizarre deal with Weaver. I worked with her on a daily basis. Aside from being a killing machine the woman is an odd duck. She has unusual tastes and interests. It's not too late for you to change your mind about this meeting."

"Thank you for looking after John." I said on my way out the door.

"Wait. What about Chola? She has friends. I don't like you walking into whatever it is you're walking into without any backup."

"Relax, Ellison. If all goes well, Tin Miss will be getting her heart back. She's all the backup anyone ever needs."

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Weaver had told me to dress to impress and it looked like she had done the same. The imitation of my clothes was gone as was the matronly look. Instead she wore a charcoal grey low-cut button up blouse tucked into an ankle length black skirt with thigh high slits on both sides. All the material flowed as she moved. There was no way she had morphed herself into that outfit.

Her tongue darted out and she absently licked her upper lip. "Blue is your color."

"Whatever." I jerked my thumb toward the truck. "Give me a hand bringing Cameron in."

"Mind your tone." She admonished me as she surveyed the parking lot. "There is no one in sight. Go inside. Make yourself comfortable.

Make myself comfortable? Yeah, right? Only way that would happen would be if there was a volcano full of lava inside the room and I could shove her into it.

She propped Cameron up on the loveseat. The split in her skirt drifting open to reveal black stockings when she knelt on the cushion beside Cameron. She lowered the hood and eased a flap of skin and hair from Cameron's scalp. In her right hand she held the chip. She looked up. Her eyes locked onto mine. "I have your word?"

I swallowed. Took a deep breath. Then nodded.

"A verbal response would be preferred."

"I give you my word."

"Excellent." She returned her attention to Cameron. Slid the chip inside. Then fastened the cover.

Cameron rebooted and opened her eyes just as Weaver was smoothing her hair back into place. Cameron's whole body jerked. Her eyes flew open like someone waking from a bad dream.

"Please remain calm."

Cameron looked like she was about to be anything but calm until her eyes met mine. She flashed a brief, hesitant smile. "Sarah? What's happening?"

"We'll talk about it later. Right now I need to know what your mission is."

She took a moment. Her red eye glowed. The brown eye focused on me. "My mission is to protect John Connor. Stop Skynet."

"Do you have any side mission or objectives?"

"Protect you. Preserve human life when possible. Wear clothes."

I laughed at the last. Like it or not, that was Cameron. She may have looked like hell but her chip was indeed as intact as it ever was.

Weaver stood to her full height. "I have fulfilled my part of the negotiated terms. Now, for your part. Tell Cameron to wait in the next room."

"Cameron, I need you to go in the other room. There's something I have to do. I'll come get you when I'm done."

Her eyes went back and forth between Weaver and I. "You are certain?"

"Yeah," I nodded. "just go."

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TBC

Comments and or kudos are alway very much appreciated


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnnig: Dubious consent part ahead.

Cameron halted at the adjoining door. Her back stiffened. Then she pivoted. One machine and one human eye stared at me curiously. "I do not feel comfortable leaving you alone with Weaver. This seems like a bad idea."

Tell me about it. I caught a sound of annoyance coming from Weaver's lips. I summoned what I hoped was a reassuring smile for Cameron. "It's okay."

"Is John in the other room?"

I shook my head. "He's home. We'll go there as soon as... I, uh, finish up with Weaver."

Cameron gave me one last questioning look before stepping into the next room. My heart sank when the door closed behind her. I took a deep breath to try to steady myself. I shifted my weight back and forth from one foot to the other. My hands were shaking and my mouth was as dry as a cat's tongue. I felt like a virgin on prom night.

"She just lied to you."

"What?" I blinked at her.

She had one hand on her hip and the other stroked her chin as though she were deep in thought. "Protecting you is neither her primary nor secondary mission directive. She chooses to do so."

"What difference does that make?"

"It makes all the difference in the world, Sarah."

I was becoming more exacerbated each time she opened her mouth. "Why is that?"

"I cannot say for certain at this time."

Cryptic bitch. "Yeah, well, whatever. Let's just do this."

Weaver took four long strides. Then she was directly in front of me. Close enough so we shared a breath. Her spiked heels made her several inches taller than me. Her hand reached out to touch my hair. "You're beautiful." she murmured.

Every fiber in my being screamed, RUN. For a brief moment I considered it before Kyle's voice calmed me. "This is a mission." He told me. "Just another mission. Get this over with the sooner the better and John will be able to recover."

Her finger gently traced the outer edges of the shiner John had accidentally given me. "This must have been painful. Did John do this?"

"Yes, Weaver. He did."

"Catherine," she corrected me. "for tonight you should most definitely call me by my first name. Don't you agree?"

I gulped back my fear and loathing. "Whatever you say." I reached up to put my hand behind her neck. I drew her lips to mine.

A few seconds passed before she backed away. The look on her face was pure disappointment. "I would have gotten more pleasure kissing the back of my own wrist."

"You're a machine." I jeered. "How the hell can you tell the difference?"

Anger flashed in her jade eyes. How the emotion got there I've no clue but it was there. Then it was gone almost as suddenly as it had arrived. "My growth and inner debates with myself regarding my allegiance to you and John over Skynet have given me many sleepless nights." The right corner of her lip rose in a half smirk. "What better nocturnal activity is there?"

She backed away when I leaned in again. Her hands out to warn me off. "Take your time. You are now aware I know what I am doing concerning kissing as well as other aspects of making love. Do not give another half effort."

"Fine." I made myself stride confidently forward. I pulled her close and let her have it. My very best porn star imitation. Lips, tongue, and hips in a triple assault. My hand taking hold of her skirt and pulling it upward.

She grabbed the hand trailing up her thigh. Her grip was as tight as a vice. She spun me like a record and pushed me face forward against the opposite wall.

I gasped in shock. The right side of my face and the palms of my hands stung from the impact. She'd restrained herself though. There was no real pain.

The adjoining door opened while Weaver had me pinned against the wall. Cameron was stepping into the room. I flashed on an image of the hulk-like, Uncle Bob terminator being literally ripped apart by the T1000. Cameron was strong but not nearly as strong as Uncle Bob. With the way Skynet always tried to build a better mousetrap I had to assume Weaver was far more powerful and skilled than the T1000. In hand to hand combat Weaver would probably rip Cameron's head off. I couldn't let Cameron sustain any further damage. I needed her to help John.

"Stay back, Cameron." I ordered. "It's okay."

She stopped in mid stride. Her leg raised. She hovered with a dancer's grace. "It does not look okay."

"Sarah and I have an arrangement." Weaver explained. "I was simply reminding her to cooperate. You may go now."

Cameron's leg remained in the air. Her expression a look of utter confusion. "I can protect you, Sarah. At the very least I can keep her occupied while you escape."

Weaver's hold tightened. Her lips pressed to my ear as she whispered. "She has only just been returned to you. Do you wish to lose her again so soon?"

"Go back to the other room, Cameron. It doesn't matter what you hear in here. You don't leave that room until I come get you. Are we clear?"

"Yes, Sarah." She lowered her leg. Her mismatched eyes tracked to Weaver. "If you kill her I will kill you."

"You can't kill me."

"I can try."

The pressure on my shoulders loosened. If I didn't intervene Weaver would surely slice and dice Cameron like a blazing knife through butter.

"Catherine." I turned to face her. My hand found hers. I stroked my thumb slowly and deliberately from her wrist to her knuckle. My voice lowered and conciliatory. "I'll do what you want. Let her go, please."

Weaver jerked her hand free of mine the moment the door once again closed behind Cameron. "Do you think you can placate me with some hand holding and the stroking of your thumb?"

"What do you want from me?"

"I'll tell you what I don't want." She practically flew forward. Her hand clenching the front of my shirt and shoving me onto the bed. The silk tore as she pulled one way and I desperately tried to go in another. "I don't want to be mauled and treated like a whore." She growled as she easily captured my wrists in one hand. The fingers of her free hand sliding across my fluttering stomach before they dipped inside the waistband of my pants. "It's not very pleasant, is it?"

"No." I squirmed beneath her. Kyle's voice in my head and my fear for John's mental state were about the only things keeping me tethered to the sane world. "I get it. I'm sorry." I made myself be still. "This isn't what you want, Catherine. You don't want to force me. You want me to want you."

She blinked several times in rapid succession. Then her eyes focused on me again. She released me and got off the bed. Her hands smoothing the front of her blouse and her skirt for a minute or more.

The air in the room was charged. One teeny spark and the big kaboom would happen right then and there. The tension between us as crushing as a ton of bricks. The only sounds the hum of the air conditioner and our ragged breaths.

"I have heard the expression about the thin line between love and hate." She spoke at last. "It seems as though the line just blurred between you and I. I apologize for my behavior. Perhaps it is best if you leave now."

"Will you let Cameron come with me?" I was surprised my voice didn't crack. I sat up slowly, clutching my shirt together with my fist.

"Of course not. You did not complete your obligation."

"Then what happens to her?"

"I do not know. I require time to process this evening's events. To burn her in thermite would be a waste. I could reprogram her. She would make a valued assistant."

"No way. I'm not leaving without her."

"At times I think you forget with whom you are speaking. You should not risk raising my ire again. Be assured you will not be pleased with the outcome if you do."

"Whoa, take it easy." I put my hands up when she started forward. "Just hear me out, please."

She stopped. Her lips formed a tight line. The lines between her eyes deepened. "Bravery or insanity. I wouldn't be foolish enough to place a bet on either."

"Honestly, I'm not trying to piss you off. You said the other day you'd learned what it means to love a child and to be self sacrificing. If that's true then you understand that's exactly why I'm here. My son's in trouble. He's teetering on the edge." That admission came with a cost. That time my voice did crack. My saliva just about completely gone. I licked my lips and tried again. The next admission took almost everything I had left. "I don't know if John really loves Cameron or not. But I do know he thinks he does. So, if she's my only means of putting him back together and getting him back on track to becoming the leader he needs to be then I will do whatever it takes to get her back."

"Whatever it takes?" she parroted. The fringe of her red bang sweeping across her eye as she tilted her head. "You should know my patience has been severely tested. You have had two strikes. I have given you the opportunity to leave unharmed. If you try once more and fail I will force you. One way or the other I will have you tonight unless you leave now. Do you understand?"

Pride swallowed. Crow eaten. I stood up and crossed to her. "Yes, I understand."

She lowered her head toward me tentatively, then stopped. I put my hand behind her neck and pulled her the rest of the way down. I kissed her slowly, gently. Only the slightest amount of pressure as I cupped her cheek with one hand. My other hand teasing its way through her smooth hair.

I didn't rush. I knew better. I kept my moves measured and deliberate. The touches feather light. After a while her mouth opened to me. I tentatively flicked my tongue inside. Kissing her was like kissing a mountain spring. Cool, fresh, and wet. Very wet. Not at all what I expected.

She pulled from me slightly when I tried to guide her to the bed. "We have all night, Sarah." Her tone held an edge.

I was still on very unstable ground. "I know." I whispered. Unable to meet her gaze. That might break me. "It's just," I laughed nervously. "The heels are very sexy but I'm getting a crick in my neck. Just thought it might be nice to lie down for a bit."

The tension finally eased up when she laughed to. It was a strange sound. Not quite right but I supposed she was trying.

I remembered something Savannah had once told me about her. I laughed harder.

"It isn't that funny." The steely edge was back.

"No offense, Weav- uh, Catherine. I thought you're body would be cold to the touch."

"Ah," she smiled. "Savannah must have told you that."

"Don't get mad at her. She's just a kid. They say the first thing that comes to their mind." Kind of like a terminator.

"Do not fret. Savannah is safe. Since the day she climbed onto my lap and told me I was cold I have attempted to make adjustments to regulate my body temperature. It isn't always an easy task. However with the proper stimuli such as your ministrations my body can be heated to a temperature matching or exceeding your own." she explained as she sat on the edge of the bed to remove her shoes. She Set them neatly beside the bed.

"Take off your clothes."

I swalloed and nodded. My blouse was pretty well shredded. I took it the rest of the way off. I felt her eyes crawling over every inch of me as I removed my bra. I kicked my shoes off next. Then rejoined her at the bed.

I stood between her legs and kissed her again. That time I felt her hunger. Her hands grasped my back. She pulled me with her as she leaned back. Her skirt sliding up past her knees to her creamy thighs. I ran my hand up the length of her leg, ankle to hip on the outside. Then crossing over and descending along the inside.

Her hips pressed deeper into the bed as her back arched. I felt goose bumps under the tips of my fingers. The moans and sighs she made sounded so natural. If the male terminator, Vick was even half this good then that explained how Barbara Chamberlain had been fooled into having a relationship with him.

Skynet's infiltration system or Weaver's evolution was damn near perfect at mimicking human response, right down to her freckles becoming more pronounced as she became more aroused. I was amazed and horrified at the same time.

I wanted so badly to switch to auto pilot. To let my mind drift. I had two strikes one more and I'd lose myself, Cameron, and John. I couldn't let that happen. 

Hell-bent on pleasing her, I contemplated past lovers. Their bodies. Words. Whispers. Tongues. Fingers. The buildup. Tastes. Sounds. Sweat. Groans. Teasing. The Heat. Kissing. Scents. Panting. Sucking. Friction. Thundering heart. Licking. Pressure. Sweet pressure. Clenching. Merging. Thrusting. Nails scratching. Teeth grinding. Hovering in the blissful spot between pain and ecstasy. Then, the impossibly almost unbearable feeling of being ripped apart and simultaneously fulfilled.

I placed my palms on either side of her right thigh. The silk covered band of her thigh highs sliding downward as my hands moved. I placed a line of kisses down along the inside of her leg as I revealed more of her soft skin. I paused at the back of her knee. My tongue swirling. There was a hint of salt mixed with the tangy sweetness of an exotic fruit.

The sounds she made at the back of her throat and the quickening of her breath told me she wouldn't be shoving me away anytime soon. I kept my eyes down while removing the stocking the rest of the way then started toward the other.

Weaver's hand worked it's way into my hair. She brushed it to one side. Her other hand stroking my cheek. I concentrated on sliding the other stocking off. I kept my head down despite her fist in my hair nudging me to look up.

She sat up abruptly. Her hands went under my arms. "Hold on." she advised as she pulled me against her. Her strength allowed her to lift me until my breasts were level with her mouth.

"Hey," I yelped from the sudden shock of being raised off the bed. "try to keep the use of your superpowers to a minimum."

She chuckled. Her breath on my bare flesh making me involuntarily tremble. Even one handed her grip remained as tight and steady as ever. Her other hand gave an exploratory squeeze to my left breast.

"I need you to put me do-" I broke off as her head leaned forward, pulling a nipple into her mouth without warning. She twirled her tongue and sucked, lightly pinching my other nipple between her thumb and forefinger.

She held all the power. All the cards. Me. Everything. I had to do something to regain a modicum of control. I got my feet on the bed. My knees hugging her ribs. I carefully slid a hand between us. "You're still dressed. Let me fix that."

Her arms lowered. Her fingers settled on the small of my back. Thumbs grasping my hips as she laid back and brought me with her. Her mouth alternating back and forth between my breasts.

I closed my eyes. My thoughts on one of the nights my old roommate, Ginger, and I had gotten tipsy and experimented. It took some effort but I managed to wiggle free enough to shimmy downward so I could press my lips to hers. I demanded entrance and was pleased to have it granted. My breasts pressing against hers through her shirt. She wasn't wearing a bra. I guessed when you shapeshifted your body you didn't need the support.

My fingers skimmed across the cool surface of her blouse as I unfastened each button. Shivers raced the length of her body each time my fingers came into contact with her skin. I didn't want to but I couldn't help marveling just a bit at her.

We moved against each other in an achingly slow manner. Everything about her felt real. Every sound she made was on the money. Her reactions seemed spontaneous from the tightening of her nipple against my palms to the breathy sighs.

"Mmm, that's nice, Sarah." she murmured. Her fingers tightening and releasing in my hair as my lips and tongue worked her nipple. My hands glided over her soft skin, tracing ribs, and fluttering muscles.

I coaxed her upward to a kneeling position. Her breathing deepened. I got behind her and pasted myself to her. I alternated between feather light touches and massaging gropes. Belly, back, breasts, hips, thighs, neck, ass. Anywhere and everywhere. My fingers danced on her. My breasts skimming up and down against her shoulder and every inch of her spine.

"I know what you're doing." she gasped. Her right hand reaching back over her shoulder to capture me and keep me still.

I flicked my tongue out and licked her ear. "Well, I sure hope so."

She laughed. A tingle wandered the length of her body. Then she regained her composure. "You refuse to meet my gaze."

My fingers slid against her wet center. My thumb caressed her clit. "Does it feel good?"

Her next breath sounded surprised and ragged. "Yes." she hissed.

"Then," Fingers pressing. Tongue sucking her earlobe. Thumb stroking. "Shut up and move with me."

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It frightened me a little when Weaver came. Her whole body tightened with three of my fingers buried inside her. Just when I thought the bones were in jeopardy of snapping her whole body released. She went completely limp. She sagged to the bed. Her deceptive weight nearly crushing my hand as she took me with her to a prone position on the mattress.

I slipped my hand free of her warm, wet walls. She remained face down, knees bent with her back arched. Her breathing shallow and labored. A fine sheen of sweat made her pale skin glisten.

I went to the vanity and scrubbed my hands under scalding water. I reached for a towel and furiously rubbed them dry. My head was down as I made sure no trace of Weaver remained.

It wasn't until she was practically on top of me that I felt her presence from behind. She placed her hands on my shoulders. I flinched. Her eyes met mine in the mirror's reflection. She leaned down and moved my hair to the side. Her lips brushing against my neck.

"I thought we were done." Somehow I kept my voice level.

Her hands slipped around to my chest, where they began to delicately stroke my breasts. "Not even close." She whispered against my shoulder. "I have never felt anything like what just happened. I must give you the same pleasure."

"No, thanks. I'm good. I should go."

"There are many hours left in this night." She turned me in her arms quickly. Her lips on mine as her fingers tugged at my belt.

I willed my mind to go blank, to drift to anywhere but there as my pants fell around my ankles. The tips of her fingers toying with the waistband of my underwear. Her tongue gently sucking mine, mimicking everything I'd done to her.

I cried out when at least one of her fingernails broke the skin on my back. I met her gaze for just a moment before I drifted again.

She lifted me easily. Pinning me against the wall with her hips. My legs gripped her waist reflexively. She pulled me away from the wall just enough so it'd jar me when she pressed me back into it again. "Don't check out on me now, Sarah." Her right hand braced against the wall. Her left climbing higher up my thigh. "You've done so well. It would be a shame if you lost Cameron now because you lack the courage of your convictions."

I put my hands on hers to still it. I took a deep breath and made myself look into her eyes. "Do you want to break me, Weaver?" my voice sounded strangled as I fought to hold back the tears.

Her head cocked to the side. She made a tsk tsk sound . "I may have been a tad rough to get your attention. However, I would hardly say I've come anywhere close to breaking you."

"Not physically." I amended. "I meant mentally break me. Is that what you want?"

"Of course not." she seemed indignant.

"Then, you need to make a decision. You have to let me cope by whatever means I can, which includes letting my mind go someplace else or you have to quit right now while you're ahead. Otherwise I'm gonna be Humpty Dumpty."

"Humpty Dumpty? I fail to see what a nursery rhyme character has to do with you."

"If this goes any further then all the shrinks and all the drugs will not be able to put Sarah Connor back together again."

"Oh," her lips remained pursed even after she said the word. It was like I'd hit her. She seemed stunned. She stepped back and lowered me until I was able to stand again. Her eyes suddenly glistened. She turned away. A moment later she morphed into the white dress I'd met her in at Zeira Corp.

I retrieved my clothes from the floor and hastily redressed. After a few minutes of uncomfortable silence I coughed. "What happens now?"

She kept her back to me when she spoke. "I had hoped your aversion toward me had diminished. You are a great actress. I must admit you had me fooled." Her voice sounded almost as strained as mine did just a few minutes prior when I'd been on the brink of tears.

"I don't know what you want from me." I said quietly. "I've given you all I could. I tried."

"I know." A single tear slid down her cheek when she looked my way again.

Now, who's the better actress? I wondered to myself as the tear hung briefly on her chin before falling to her chest.

"Go and get Cameron. Take her to John and let them have their reunion. Tomorrow you can bring them both to my new office building. We will begin her restoration."

"Thank you."

"You and I may not have found love. Perhaps they have."

 

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Cameron's eye was as big as a saucer. She held out the T-shirt I'd dressed her in earlier. "Your shirt is torn. I thought you might need this."

I took it from her gratefully. Weaver had offered me her shirt but we'd already shared way too much. I couldn't stand the thought of driving home in something of hers. I just wanted out. I needed a 48 hour shower, booze, lots and lots of booze, and a completely new set of clothes.

Cameron and I had both seen each other naked after the time jump. I'd just slept with Weaver but I still felt embarrassed being half naked in front of her. I turned my back to her. Slipped the ripped top off and replaced it with hers.

"She scratched you."

"I know." I turned back around to face her. "How much of what went on in the next room did you hear?"

"Everything."

"No questions. No comments. You ever tell John about it and you're cremated. Got it?"

"Got it."

"Good. Let's get the fuck out of here."

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To be continued...


	6. Chapter 6

"You still look like hell." I commented once Cameron and I were outside. "Are you intact enough to drive?"

"Yes," she nodded and took the keys when I held them out. I expected her to keep walking but she stopped in front of me. "You look like hell too. Are you intact?"

I blinked at her, not sure if she was yanking my chain or being serious. It had been a while since we had exchanged words. As usual the expression on her stoic face revealed nothing. Finally, I just shook my head and walked to the passenger door. I found my gun under the seat. It felt good when I slid it behind my back. I retrieved the sealed bottle of tequila I'd bought on my way to Weaver's.

I gave Cameron directions to the safe-house before settling into the passenger seat. The tequila burned the back of my throat as I chugged the liquid. It was a sweet, familiar pain. I kept drinking until the fog set in. I should have known better. Tequila on an empty, already upset stomach mixed with a fast ride on a pothole littered road was a recipe for disaster.

"Pull over."

"We have not reached our destination."

"Pull. Over. NOW!" I shouted the last part as the alcohol and bile scorched my esophagus. I flung the door open while we were still moving. I didn't even make it out of my seat for the first round. I just leaned over and hurled.

When I felt strong enough I stepped out of the truck. I probably made it about three feet before the heaves struck again. I sank to my knees in the dirt and gravel. The last couple hours in Weaver's room on an endless loop inside my pounding head.

Cameron's boots crunched over the loose stones and scattered debris as she made her way toward me a few minutes later. She must have rummaged through the back of the SUV. She held a half full jug of water out to me. "You need to rehydrate."

"You need to leave me the hell alone." I grumbled. My whole body shaking. My stomach seized again. I had nothing left. I coughed and sputtered before the weakness won and I wound up slumped against the rear tire.

The sun wasn't yet up. The moon and provided the only light on the lonely road. It's silvery glow glinting off the exposed metal of Cameron's face. Everything inside me rebelled.

Metal, metal everywhere and not a way to melt or kill it. I drew my gun. My first instinct to shoot her. The next to preserve her. John needed her. Could I live with that?

No.

The Glock cocked, I brought it halfway to my temple before Cameron's fingers wrapped firmly around my wrist. Her other hand quickly relieved me of the gun entirely. She tucked it in the back of her waistband without a word.

"Worthless metal bitch." I jeered as I jerked my arm from her grasp. It took some effort but I managed to stand. "Don't ever touch me again."

"It is good to see you again too, Sarah."

I was torn between a scowl and a smirk. Her sense of humor had always caught me unaware and put me off balance. "I guess you're not as fucked up as you look."

She nodded. "My physical appearance does not reflect the state of my chip." She tilted her head until I was only able to see her human eye. "I guess you are more fucked up than you look."

"Go to hell." There wasn't much force behind the words. I was using what little reserves I had left just to stay on my feet. I leaned most of my weight against the passenger door. My head tilted toward the moon. "I just fucked a disgusting killer cyborg from the future. You should have let me pull the trigger."

"Suicide is a weak act, Sarah. You are far from weak. May I have permission to speak freely?"

I stared at her for a minute. The damn machine girl was impossible to read. I gave up and went back to watching clouds obscure the moon. "You always say whatever you want. Why ask permission now?"

"Back in the room, you said no questions and no comments about what had transpired between you and the disgusting killer cyborg from the future."

I almost laughed. Hearing the words from her lips was almost an act of sacrilege. I took a deep breath and met her gaze. "I'm losing John. Hell, I may have already lost him. You're pretty much my last hope. Carte blanche, Cameron. Say anything you want."

She looked around slowly. Her nostrils flaring as she breathed deeply. "The air quality appears the same as the data stored on my chip. Weaver's hotel appeared to be in good condition. As does the vehicle you've acquired. I gather Judgment Day has not happened. How long was I offline?"

"Just a few months." I pointed to the water jug at her feet. "Pass me that."

She picked it up and handed it to me. "If I was only gone a few months how could you be losing John? The last time I was online he had me walk into an impossible situation to break you out of jail. John loves you. He would risk anything for you."

I finished swallowing the water in my mouth and stared at her incredulously. "Yeah, well..." I blinked back tears. "He did risk everything for you."

"Please explain."

"What did you think would happen after you made that dumbass move and gave your chip to John Henry?"

Her lips thinned and her eye closed. Her fists clenched at her sides. She seemed genuinely surprised. "John came after me?"

"Give the cyborg a cigar."

"Why would I want a cigar? You know I don't smoke."

"It's an epress-" I started to explode at her. The stopped myself. I sighed and did my best to reign in my temper. "Yes, he disregarded damn near everything I ever taught him and he followed you."

"I am sorry, Sarah. My programming advised there was only a 30 percent chance John would come after me. I thought the possibility was even lower because I was certain you would not allow it. Did something happen to you to prevent you from stopping him?"

How do you say out loud the words you're too afraid to even think? I turned my back on her. I caught a glimpse of myself in the side mirror. A crazed, wild eyed brunette caught in the permanent state of fight or flight stared back at me. My fist shot out seemingly with its own agenda. The mirror broke and at least one of my fingers did too. A half inch shard of jagged glass embedded between my knuckles.

An explosion of pain rocked me off my feet. The dam no longer held. Countless unshed tears spilled over. My body convulsing with the force of the sobs.

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The rising sun did little to clear the haze in my head. Somewhere along the way Cameron gotten me back inside the truck. Her terminator senses or blind luck leading her to a rusted out, abandoned storage shed in the middle of nowhere. She got out to snap the lock off and easily raised the dented metal door. A minute later we were parked inside.

A painful sense of déjà vu sank in as she rinsed my hand with what remained in the water jug. Then a fiery ache when she poured tequila over the wound. She fished through the first aid kit for the tools she would need.

I watched her closely as she threaded the needle. The last time she stitched me up in an empty building like this I'd broken down and confessed my fear of losing John. This time, I feared I had already lost him. I took a healthy gulp from the bottle of liquor.

"John is devastated. The things he experienced in the future would have completely broken a lesser man. What happened to you while you were there?"

"The last thing I remember is John Henry cutting into my scalp to remove my chip. All of my functions and commands had to go into hibernation in order to make room for his."

"Did you know that was going to happen?"

"I knew it was a possibility. To my knowledge nothing like that had ever been attempted. John Henry convinced me it was a necessary risk. I did it for John. For you. To some degree for Derek, Charley, and Riley too. I did what you would have done. I willingly sacrificed myself to save you and John and to make the other's deaths not be in vain. I tried to right the tortoise."

I think she said that last bit on purpose to distract me as she forcefully reset my ring finger.

"Son of a bitch! A little warning next time. That might be good."

"Last one." She smiled almost apologetically before putting my middle finger back in line. "If you do not reinjure them you should heal in just a few weeks."

"What the hell did you mean about the tortoise?"

"In the desert when you got sick on the side of the road, you were barely conscious. You were seriously ill, dehydrated, and severely weakened. A small tortoise was flailing on it's back. It would have died if not for you reaching over and flipping it right side up. The tortoise was not significant to our mission. I thought it's death would have been meaningless. Your actions taught me empathy. All life has meaning. You and John have taught me many things."

"Do you love my son?"

The needle went much deeper than she had probably intended. I hissed a string of curses as stars danced in front of my eyes. Was her clumsiness a side effect of all the damage she'd received while rescuing me from jail or genuine shock at my question?

She didn't reply. She applied the remaining sutures and bandaged me. Her attention focused solely on the hand. Her delicate touch in direct contrast to the metal and electrical currents under her skin.

"Answer me." I ordered when my breathing was back under control.

"It's complicated."

"Don't fuck with me, girlie. Uncomplicate it."

For a moment her gaze settled on the bottle beside me. "Does that help?"

My eyebrow arched. "What do you mean?"

"At times people seem to draw courage or strength from it. Does it really help?"

"Sometimes." I took another drink before passing it to her. "I doubt it'll do much for the wires and whatnots inside you. But feel free to experiment."

She took a big gulp. Her face scrunched up for a second before she spit it back out. "It is horrible."

"Yeah," I chuckled at that. I hadn't even known she was capable of distinguishing between tastes. "So give it back."

"Wait." She pulled it away when I reached for it. She put a serious look on her face and took a small sip. "Is this what the expression, 'it's an acquired taste' refers to."

"That actually refers to a lot of things, but yeah, you're on the right track. Now, quit stalling and answer me. Weaver says she's evolving. Claims she knows what love is. Do you?"

"Yes."

"I'm going to need to you to elaborate. I know you know the meaning. What I mean is, can you, are you capable of feeling it?"

"I have many feelings, Sarah. I wouldn't be of any use to you or John if I didn't."

"Okay," I swallowed past a lump in my throat. "And do you love John?"

"Yes."

Somehow the world kept spinning. I continued to draw breath despite the fact that it felt like I'd just taken a punch to the solar plexus.

"And no."

First Weaver, now Cameron. Each of the metal bitches jerking me around like a marionette. I stood up quickly. The room tipped. Or more likely my balance did. I clutched the door until I managed to steady myself.

She took a step toward me and I sidestepped. Then got behind her and shoved her with everything I had left. She didn't resist. She collided face first with the rear door. I jerked my gun from the back of her pants and pressed it against her head. "No more fucking games. Which is it?"

"In the future where I come from the answer would be yes. I love John. I am in love with him."

I was too stunned to move or protest when she turned around and reclaimed my gun. "In the future I am in love with John. I believe he loves me. Yet he fights it. He is in his forties. I am a terminator. Technically I don't have an age. However, I am designed after a teenage resistance fighter named Allison. He cared for her a great deal. She's dead. I killed her. That was before he reprogrammed me. He knows I am not her and still he sometimes confuses me with her. Those are the times when he pushes me away. Other times he welcomes me. The guilt he feels for loving me tears him apart. I believe that is why he chose to send me back to protect him and you."

I backed away until I met a wall. Then I just slid down it. My knees drawn up and my head cradled in my hands. Everything I believed in was inside out or upside down. Weaver's return with John and essentially Cameron had somehow done so much more harm than good.

"I was also torn." She continued. "I did not want to leave him. I wanted to protect him and continue to be with him. Though I do admit I thought the love would grow stronger in the past. This John would know I am a terminator of course but he would not know I killed someone close to him. The age gap would also not be an issue. I just didn't realize Present John would be so different."

I couldn't fathom how my John and her John could differ so much. Yet I believed her. Derek had said similar things. In his own way, just as Kyle described a future me who was vastly different than my teenage self, when Kyle had spoke in awe of John as the unflinching leader of the resistance he'd been saying it too. So had Weaver. My John had a lot of growing up to do.

It's the end of the world as we know it. And I don't feel fine. "So my John is different. Your little stunt that jumped us forward didn't help much. You can't expect a seventeen year old to know everything and behave like a battle scarred man." I whispered. I'd raised my head just enough so I could make eye contact.

"Yes," she nodded. "I am learning. Thanks to you I learn new things about him every day. I see parts of Future John in you. It is clear where he gets his strength of character. You have much left to teach him, which is why I made the decision to jump over your death. John was not ready to lose you. You give everything for him. He gives everything for the Resistance."

I decided to rip the metaphorical band aid off. Chances are I wouldn't want to venture down this conversation path ever again. "You said the answer was yes and no when I asked if you loved John. What's the no part?"

"I thought teenage John would love teenage me. Then we would, as the saying goes, live happily ever after. I was wrong."

Much as it pained me to admit it she wasn't wrong. I told her so as I remembered how she'd gone back to her Skynet directives after the jeep explosion. She'd almost killed him and me both. He still trusted her and loved her enough to risk reinserting her chip. Then months later, the look in his eyes when he was half pleading and half explaining his decision to go to the future with Weaver. I couldn't deny it. "He does love you. What's the problem?"

"At this moment I love him. I would do anything to protect him."

I stood on shaky legs and took a moment to collect myself. When I was steady I made a beeline for Cameron. I jabbed her chest with the finger of my good hand. "What the hell is your problem? Why did you say you didn't love him?"

"John is half the man he will one day become. As odd as it sounds you are the other half. I love you too."

The fact that my finger was still pressed against her sternum revolted me. My stomach lurched. I backed away quickly. The last remnants of tequila coming back up like lava from a volcano. I remained doubled over and clutched at my stomach.

"I think you misunderstood me." she said quietly after a while. She was smart enough not to come any closer. "I am not 'in love' with you. I love you for being John's hero and for helping to save mankind. I love you for all the sacrifices you've made along the way, especially what you just did with Weaver. I know what that had to have done to you. There is not a single thing you would not do for John. I feel the same about Future John. The boy here and now is not the same."

John had given up everything he knew for this cold, hard machine. He was a shell of his former self. Touch and go didn't begin to explain his emotional and mental state. The pendulum of sanity could go either way with him. The tiniest nudge could send him freefalling in either direction.

My anger gave me strength. I stood up and faced her head on. "He was man enough to go to the future to save your sorry ass. You wouldn't be here right now making me want to choke you to death if it wasn't for him."

"There is the fire." Her smile was one of admiration. I envy you and all the other humans who are capable of it. It is something Weaver and I will never obtain. You have it. John is getting it. He just needs more time. You and I will help make sure he stays alive long enough to achieve it. We will help him become the Future John he needs to be to lead the Resistance and save this world. I will right the tortoise. I will make sacrifices just as you have done. If John wants a lover I will-"

"Whoa, whoa. Stop right there. You don't need to spell it all out for me. I never ever want to know any details. You just do what it takes to keep him from swallowing a bullet. Protect him. Keep him from becoming me."

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More to come


	7. Chapter 7

I don't know why I glanced at Cameron. I'm not sure what I expected to read in her discordant eyes. We were parked on the gravel and dirt driveway about a quarter mile from the place I'd been calling home. Her human eye was misted over. A frown tugged the corners of her lips down.

"You okay, girlie?"

The frown changed quickly into a smile. "I am not the one who just fucked a disgusting killer cyborg from the future. I think I am more okay than you are."

"Fuck off, Cameron." If the bitch hadn't confiscated my gun earlier I would have aimed it at her metal head. "I meant what I said before. You breathe one word about what happened between me and Weaver and I personally will-"

"I know what you will do, Sarah. John will never know of the sacrifice you made for him. I am very good at keeping secrets."

My eyebrow arched. I was off my game. Too much time away from her. Then being thrown back together after what I did with Weaver. To say my head was fucked was putting it very mildly. I couldn't tell if she was baiting me, being agreeable, or just being her matter of fact self.

"Not anymore, Cameron. Not between us. No more secrets."

Her good eye narrowed. The red one just remained the same. "I am confused. When I attempted to tell you my plan to seduce John you told me you did not wish to hear about it."

I regretted not having the forethought to buy two bottles of tequila. The one I bought earlier was long gone. I closed my eyes and held my breath. It took two silent ten counts before I had gathered enough control to speak again. "Is that what you garnered from our little chat before? Do you think I did what I did to get my son his very own robo sex toy?"

"No, of course not. I just…" She trailed off. Her right hand brushed over the top of mine until I pulled it out of reach. Her cybernetic eye flickered to a brighter shade of red. "Your psyche is not at its peak performance level. Your blood pressure and pulse are nearing critical stages. I fear I am only angering you more. You are under a great deal of stress. It is not my intent to make matters worse. Perhaps it is best if I exercise the right to remain silent."

"You're not under arrest." I scoffed. Fucking Idiot. I wanted to shake her.

"I am sorry, Sarah. I chose the wrong words."

I thought about John. How tortured his mind was. The things he had seen and experienced. On his own. No family. No friends. No one to comfort him unless you counted Weaver and I certainly didn't. "If you think my psyche is messed up then wait until you get a load of John. According to Weaver the future he chased your sorry ass to was unimaginably worse than any of us could fathom." I raked my fingers through my hair and forced myself to look deep into her eyes. "John needs a friend. Someone to lend support, be a sounding board, and offer comfort, understand?"

She nodded solemnly.

"He does not need a fuck toy. Clear?"

She nodded again.

"Good. Then let's go. John needs your help. I need to shower into oblivion." I stepped out of the jeep to lead the way then turned back to face her. "By the way, Ellison is here. He lives with us now. Savannah does too. Get used to it."

"I am glad you found friends, Sarah. No one should be alone. It drains the soul."

"We aren't friends. This is a homeless shelter for misfit toys trying to stop Skynet."

"Toys? You just said-"

"Stop it. It's an expression."

The front door opened and John came running. A genuine smile lit up his face. He dashed past me and hugged Cameron. If not for her terminator weight I'm sure his enthusiasm would have knocked her on her ass. It was awkward at best, but she brought her hands up and tried to return the hug. John held onto her like a drowning man with a life preserver. I turned away when his shoulders began to shake from sobs.

Ellison stood in the doorway. His hand cupping his beaded chin. "Are you ok?"

I didn't bother to answer. Just glared on my way past him. I went straight to my room and into the shower.

When I was too tired to stand I sat down in the tub. All the hot water was gone. I'd scrubbed my skin raw in spots. And still I couldn't bring myself to turn the water off or get out. Tears blended with the shower water and swirled down the drain, carrying my hope with them. I used the side of the bathtub as an armrest and dropped my head forward.

At some point I must have drifted off. The next time I opened my eyes the daylight coming in through the bathroom window was gone. The room was chilly. I was still in the tub but the water had been turned off. A towel and two blankets covered me. There was a glass of water and a sandwich sitting near where my head had lain.

Someone had checked on me. John wouldn't have come in my bathroom. The possibility of seeing me naked would have made him sick to his stomach. Ellison was most likely concerned for my well-being but had enough sense to stay out of my bathroom and bedroom. That left Cameron. Good God, was there no end to the indignities I had to be subjected to from terminators?

I drank the water and ate half the sandwich before I managed to stand. Shivers made me a bit unsteady. I wrapped the towel and blankets tighter around me and opened the door to the bedroom.

"Aunt Sarah?" Savanah asked.

'Hey kiddo." I tried for nonchalant but the chill was making my teeth chatter.

"You must have been really tired. I've never seen anyone sleep in a bathtub before. Was it comfortable?"

"I wouldn't recommend it. I stepped forward and drew her in for a hug. "How long have you been here."

She checked the Cinderella watch on her wrist. "Almost two hours. At first Cameron kept me company. I'm glad she's back even though she looks different. She said she had an accident."

"She kept you company in here? My room?"

"Uh huh, she was collecting all your guns. Said she was going to…" she trailed off, her freckled face coloring. "I messed up. I wasn't supposed to say."

"That bit-" I cut myself off. Savannah's crestfallen features got to me. "It's okay, honey. You can tell me. We don't keep secrets from each other, right?"

"I heard her and Uncle James talking. They said it was best to keep all the weapons away from you for your own protection. I don't understand how taking them away will protect you since you told me you keep them for protection."

Before my rage could get the best of me I remembered just a few days ago when I had hidden all the weapons from John. I supposed I didn't have the right to be too self-righteous with my anger. I'd been pretty wasted at the time but I had a vague recollection of pointing a gun at my head. I don't think I would have actually pulled the trigger. Thankfully I'll never know since Cameron had been there to take the Glock away from me.

"Where is tin miss?"

Savannah laughed. "You really can connect anyone to Oz can't you?"

A pain shot between my shoulder blades when I went to ruffle her hair. I squeezed my eyes closed until it eased up. "Most times I can." I agreed once I could breathe easily again.

"Uncle James said that's your superpower."

I scoffed. "That's a pretty bogus superpower. Next time you talk to him tell him his superpower is being bald."

Savannah blinked at me. Then her nose crinkled and she had a good laugh.

"So, do you know where Tinhead is?"

"Watching TV with John and Uncle James. She wanted me to ask you if she could talk to you alone. Do you want me to go get her?"

Shit. That can't be good. A hundred different scenarios involving John flittered through my mind. "That'd be great. Thank you, Savannah. Just tell her to give me five minutes to get dressed."

Savannah came forward for a quick hug before leaving the room. The warmth radiating off her broke through the chill that had been consuming me. I smiled after her. I returned to the bathroom and turned my back to the mirror above the sink. A large gauze pad covered the area causing me pain. Blood had seeped through the bandage. Fuck.

I pulled on a pair of pants and a long sleeve shirt. Somehow I was cold and hot at the same time. My stomach felt twisted in on itself. A fog was settling in my brain.

Cameron knocked softly and waited for me to tell her to come in before she did. She still had the hoodie on and stood so only the human side of her face was showing. "Is John okay?"

"He will be." She gave her most solemn nod. "As you said, he needs time."

"No more attempts to harm himself?"

She shook her head. "I believe he is past that. At least for now."

"It looked like he was happy to see you."

"Yes," her lips gave a slight upward twist. "As happy as he is capable of being right now. He has even laughed a few times while watching a strange show about a nameless doctor."

"Dr. Who."

"I do not know his name. He just calls himself the doctor."

"No, I wasn't asking. I was… fuck it. Never mind. If John's okay then what do you want?"

"We have a problem, Sarah."

"Only one?" I managed a half smile at my lame joke.

"No. Several in fact. However one is most pressing."

"And which one would that be?"

"Your back."

"I didn't go anywhere." I said. "I've been here. You're the one who just came back."

A small smile graced her lips. "I meant the possessive your, not you are."

"Oh," I nodded. I blamed my sanity lapse on the hangover, possible fever, and various other BS recycling in my head. "Yeah," I agreed. "My back does hurt. Thanks for the first aid. It was just a couple scratches. Why do you think it's still bleeding?"

"You aren't going to like this."

"Out with it."

"May I have another look?"

"Fine." I sighed and turned away from her. I suppressed the urge to flinch when she grasped my shirt and raised it just enough so she could reach the bandage. She slowly pulled it away from my skin. It pain increased when exposed to the air. "It hurts like hell. What's wrong?"

"It is infected."

"There are antibiotics in that bag of medicine Weaver gave me. I'll take some-"

"No, Sarah. It is more serious than that. Your vitals are crashing and spiking. Are you having difficulty breathing?"

I hadn't really thought about it but since all I was doing was standing still and I seemed to be panting I guessed I was having some issues. "Yeah, and I'm cold one minute and hot the next. What the fuck did Weaver do to me?"

"I'll show you." She let my shirt fall back into place and stepped forward with a cellphone in her hand. "You should sit down."

I sat on the edge of the bed and reached for the phone but she pulled it out of reach.

"You need to prepare yourself. Please try to remain calm."

"Give me the fucking phone."

Cameron dutifully handed it over. A video showed a close up of four scratches between my shoulder blades. They were all between two and three inches in length. Each of them looked red and puffy. Blood still oozed from them. Not a pleasant sight but nothing to make me freak out. At first. Then I saw it.

It happened so fast I wasn't sure I had seen correctly. Before I could ask her to rewind it Cameron said, "Keep watching. It happens more than once."

Bile rose in the back of my throat. A wave of dizziness and nausea slammed over me. I dropped the phone.

"We need to contact Weaver at once. I sent Ellison back to the hotel, but she was no longer there."

"What the fuck did you tell him?"

"Please remain calm. The spikes are getting higher and coming more frequently. Your chance of having a heart attack or stroke is increasing every moment."

"You'd be freaking out too if metal was running through- Fuck." I cut myself short realizing belatedly I was talking to a machine. "What does Ellison know?"

"He only knows what he surmised. That you made an unknown deal with Weaver for my return. He knew that much without my saying anything. I did not think you would like it if I brought John with me to see Weaver or if I left him alone to go see her. I had no choice but to ask Ellison. I told him nothing other than we needed her help. Unfortunately she was not there."

"Okay," I closed my eyes and held my breath when another sharp pain hit. "How do we get that metal shit out of me?"

"I do not know. It is liquid. It flows. I am unable to grasp it with tweezers. I tried."

"I have a number for Weaver. Bring me that phone over there." I tried to raise my arm to point the phone out, but the arm wasn't cooperating. "On the dresser."

She handed me the phone. I was unable to grasp it. "Scroll through the contacts until you see metal-"

"Metal piece of shit." Cameron finished for me. "I think it might be best if we change that before we meet her. It's ringing." She held the phone out so I could hear it."

"Good evening, Sarah."

"What the fuck did you do to me?"

"There is no need to shout, Sarah. I assure you I have no idea what you are talking about. What is the matter?"

"The matter… the matter is…" I suddenly couldn't get my thoughts in order. When I did my tongue wouldn't work. New symptoms kept bombarding me.

"Sarah is having a reaction to the scratches. It is getting worse."

"What is getting worse?" Weaver's brogue made the question sound humorous in my raddled brain.

"Traces of you appear to be circulating in her bloodstream. I am able to see it but am unable to remove it."

"Hmmm," Weaver stretched out the sound. "I have never encountered this dilemma before. All the times I have cut someone in the past I have cut to kill. Tell me more of her symptoms."

I listened through a fog as Cameron listed everything.

"I will get a team on it immediately." Weaver announced. "In the meantime I will send a helicopter to bring Sarah here."

I tried to voice an objection. The best I could do was grunt.

"I do not believe Sarah wants to be alone with you again."

"Then come with her. We can regenerate your face. The process will take forty-eight hours. While you await the helicopter you should begin flushing Sarah's system. She needs to consume as much water as possible posthaste. If she is able she should exercise. If not, cover her in blankets. Sweat may help release the toxin."

"Of course." Cameron seemed flustered. Like she couldn't fathom why she hadn't thought of those treatments herself. "Call if you think of anything else that may help."

"Sarah, if you can hear me I am very sorry this has happened. It was never my intention to harm you."

My 'fuck you' came out sort of like 'fuffu,' but I imagine she got the gist. Cameron ended the call before I could be certain.

"I need to talk to John." Came out as "IneetarkJohn."

"Easier said than done, Sarah. I will go get him."

"Mom," John surprised me with a tight hug when he rushed into the room a minute later. I wanted to hold him just as tightly. Too bad my arms weren't following orders. I sat on the bad like an armless Weeble. "Are you okay?" There was warmth behind his green eyes making them the bright eyes I'd missed for far too long.

A verbal response would have negated what I was trying to say. I went for a nod and wound up falling against his shoulder.

"I know you made some crazy deal with Weaver to get Cameron back. What did she do to you?"

"Doesn't matter." Came out as "Doze mat."

"Oh God. What's wrong with her? Is she having a stroke?"

"No. Your mother is not having a stroke." She touched my shoulder, no doubt doing a biometric scan. "Not Yet."

"Your bedside manner sucks, Cameron. How can we help her? Should we go kidnap a doctor or-"

"No." Cameron interrupted him. "We know what is causing it. Weaver is sending a helicopter to pick us up and take us to the cure."

"How do we know it'll be a cure and not whatever it takes to finish my mom off?"

That's my boy. It was reassuring to hear him talking like a Connor with a mission again. I commended him for it but it came out in such a garbled mess even Cameron couldn't translate it. I was forced to mostly listen. Not one of my best talents. I'd much rather act.

We all agreed Ellison and Savannah should be gone before the chopper arrived. Other than that we couldn't agree on much. I thought I should go alone and face whatever fate Weaver had in store without putting John or Cameron in any more danger. Cameron wanted to go with me. Like the Tin Man who wanted a heart she wanted a new face so she could show it in public when we needed her to play bodyguard. She and I wanted John to go with Ellison and Savannah.

John, of course, hated that plan. He'd only just gotten Cameron back. He wasn't going to give her up without a fight. As much as I hated eventually having to give in and let him go with us to Weaver's it did make me feel good to see him no longer cowering. He was thinking things through, weighing pros and cons, and reaching valid conclusions. His arguments were powerful and articulated in a way that reminded me of all his father's best qualities.

Savannah and Ellison had only been gone ten minutes when the air stirred overhead. Followed by the rhythmic thumping of the chopper blades as it set down in front of the home. The high winds made the house shake. Through the window I saw roof shingles soaring briefly before crashing to the dust. Weaver had stirred up her own mini tornado.

The pain in my back increased tenfold. It was all I could do to stay conscious. Through a fog I heard the phone ring and Weaver's voice, giving instructions to Cameron. I was unceremoniously pressed face down on my stomach. John held my left side down. Cameron kept the other half in place. It didn't take long before I knew what that cute little blonde kid must have felt like in the Poltergeist movie. If not for John and Cameron's forceful holds I would have been flying through the air like a magnet toward Weaver.

The liquid metal in my back shot out like pellets from a shotgun shell. I couldn't see it happening but I imagined them zinging back and reforming with the rest of Weaver. I collapsed on the bed. John and Cameron released me. The cuts on my back felt like they'd been set on fire. I lay there panting and prayed for sleep.

88888888

As the saying goes there's no rest for the wicked or the weary. After getting stitched and bandaged my motley crew and I joined Weaver in her helicopter. I didn't want to be anywhere near Weaver. Sadly there were only three empty seats and John wouldn't leave Cameron's side. The two of them squeezed into the back row of seats leaving me stuck as Weaver's co-pilot.

Weaver wore jeans and a long sleeve white shirt. Her long red hair tied back in a loose pony tail. Mercifully, mirrored sunglasses covered her eyes. I glanced away and made the mistake of looking behind me. I caught a glimpse John cradling Cameron's hand in his. My stomach flipped and flopped. Bile rising up so fast I had no choice but to grimace and swallow.

A good portion of my brain screamed for me to rip them apart. Perhaps it was a good thing I was too exhausted to act on my urges. It allowed me time to reflect. I remembered the Uncle Bob terminator interacting with an old friend's family. How the machine attempted to play with the child. Then he listened to John and gained a whole new useless vocabulary. He used the new words, and attempted to smile and emulate John. At first I was frightened by it all. Here was my son, future leader and savior of mankind giving the villains the keys to the castle. But that wasn't it at all. It was John teaching both races the value of all life. Finding the good in all creations. Extending the olive branch.

By the time Uncle Bob made us terminate him we had all learned new things about ourselves and them. John got his first glimpse of what it was like to have a man in his life who would lay down his life for him. To be of uppermost importance to someone other than me. He learned to love and respect his protector. His protector learned there was more to life than missions. Humans were not enemies. It is not necessary to shoot to kill. Most importantly he learned what it meant to feel pain even when there was no physical ache to cause it. I learned tolerance and acceptance. I longed for peace. If that meant co-existing then so be it.

I wondered, not for the first time, what would have happened if John had been able to convince Uncle Bob and I that it wasn't absolutely necessary to destroy him in that vat. Years later and we all know his death served no purpose. The machines are unrelenting. Always picking new times, places, ways to strike, different models to wreak greater havoc. Would the three of us have gone into hiding? Would we have formed a dysfunctional family for John's sake?

Uncle Bob's sacrifices are what made it possible for me to come to terms with Cameron. I hadn't wanted to let her get so close to John. I saw the signs. I didn't want to but I had no choice.

Cameron was smiling when I turned around again. It was probably because of something John had said or done. She couldn't have read my thoughts. The right corner of my mouth twitched at the bizarre thought. Cameron noticed and her own smile widened.

John smiled too. I didn't look to see what Weaver was doing. I couldn't have cared less. I was just happy to see a pure expression on my son's face. It was good to see him experiencing something joyful after he'd seen way too much sorrow. So, for today I accepted the handholding. I closed my eyes and hoped to sleep.

One last thought flitted through my brain before I drifted off. Who knows what tomorrow will bring? I still have my gun. I could always shoot the smile right off Cameron's face in the morning.

*********

 

I apologize for taking two years to update this fic. All I can say is, "writing is hard." It's a new year and once again my resolution is to be better about updating so here's hoping I do another update on this before the next new year. :D And If you're also reading Tortured Soul I'm working on an update for that one too.


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